Something Cool

Ah beng was walking along his work area one day and saw his friend Ah mute. Ah mute can't speak so he needs to use sign language to communicate. Ah mute signal why Ah Beng isn't at work.

Ah beng than look around and gathered some leaves under the tree and stand on them. He look at Ah Mute and pointed down at the leaves. Ah Mute is now confused..

Later Ah Sian pass by and saw Ah Beng standing on the leaves. Ah mute than signal Ah Sian on what is Ah Beng trying to say..

Ah sian than type down in his handphone and show it to Ah Mute. 'Aiyo so simple, Ah Beng Is On Leave!'

Medicare Coverage In A Nutshell

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.' 'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'This is she.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's.

Frankly the results are either bad or terrible.' 

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's.'

'That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

Beauty of Math!

Absolutely amazing! 

1 x 8 + 1 = 9 
12 x 8 + 2 = 98 
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432 
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321 

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111 
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111 
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111 
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111 

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888 
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888 
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888 
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it? 

And look at this symmetry: 

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121 
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321 
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321 

Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Date An Engineer

10. The world does revolve around us... we choose the coordinate system. 

9. No "couple" enjoy a better "moment". 

8. We know how to handle stress and strain in a relationship. 

7. We have significant figures. 

6. We understand the motion of rigid bodies. 

5. Projectile motion: Do we need to say more? 

4. Engineers do it to specification. 

3. According to Newton, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal and opposite. 

2. We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force. 

1. WE KNOW THE RIGHT HAND RULE!

Ah Beng with the Kidnapper

Kidnapper: Hey ur son is in my hand! If u wan him back u have to gimme $10 million!
Ah beng: Har?
Kidnapper: Hey ur son is in my hand! If u wan him back u have to gimme $10 million!
Ah beng:Har? Ni Jiang xia mi?
Ah beng: nothing bye...

_________________________________________________________

Kidnapper: Hey ur son is in my hand! If u wan him back u have to gimme $10 million!
Ah beng: Hahahahahahah....(hang up)
Kidnapper:???

_________________________________________________________

Kidnapper: Hey ur son is in my hand! If u wan him back u have to gimme $10 million!
Ah beng:oh....okay
*Silence 10 minutes*
Kidnapper: hey ur son is in danger!
Ah beng: oh, okay
*Silence 30 minutes*
Kidnapper:Hey!
Ah beng: This is a voice msg system, please leave down ur msg after the beep.
Kidnapper:..........

_________________________________________________________

Kidnapper: Hey ur son is in my hand! If u wan him back u have to gimme $10 million!
Ah beng: U looking for my son, wait ar. *Ah boy, someone looking for u*
Kidnapper: Sry wrong number...

_________________________________________________________Kidnapper: Hey ur son is in my hand! If u wan him back u have to gimme $10 million!
Ah beng:ur son in my hand? u wan him bak give me $10 million ar? I okay ar but where is ur son 1st?
Kidnapper: What the....?

_________________________________________________________

Kidnapper: Hey ur son is in my hand! If u wan him back u have to gimme $10 million!
Ah beng: Oh really? Okay please take care of him, dont let him play alone outside.
Kidnapper: Har? 

_________________________________________________________

Kidnapper: Hey ur son is in my hand! If u wan him back u have to gimme $10 million!
Ah beng: Har my son come back alive liao?
Kidnapper: HAR~?

Tech Support

The letter to IT Support:

Dear IT Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, Golf 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. 

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no available.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Housewife

The Response from IT Support:

Dear Desperate Housewife,

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.

If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1.

Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a common want program but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Slim Exercise 3.0, Tongkat Ali 6.9 and Drumstick Suck 9.0

Good Luck,
IT Support

Too Much Free Time

This is one of the cleverest emails in a while. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)! 

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE 
When you rearrange the letters:
FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL 

PRINCESS DIANA 
When you rearrange the letters: 
END IS A CAR SPIN 

MONICA LEWINSKY 
When you rearrange the letters: 
NICE SILKY WOMAN 

ASTRONOMER: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
MOON STARER 


DESPERATION: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
A ROPE ENDS IT 

THE EYES: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
THEY SEE 

GEORGE BUSH: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE 
When you rearrange the letters: 
HERE COME DOTS 

SLOT MACHINES: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
CASH LOST IN ME 

ELECTION RESULTS: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT 


SNOOZE ALARMS: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S 

A DECIMAL POINT: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
IM A DOT IN PLACE 

THE EARTHQUAKES: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
THAT QUEER SHAKE 


ELEVEN PLUS TWO: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
TWELVE PLUS ONE 

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: 

MOTHER-IN-LAW: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
WOMAN HITLER

Hungry Ghost Story - Malaysian Style

A man dies and goes to hell.There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, 'What do they do here?"

He was told, 'First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.

'The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on and checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more countries... He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell... 

Then he comes to the Malaysia hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, 'What do they do here?'

He was told, 'First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Malaysian devil comes and beats you for the rest of the day.

''But that is exactly the same as all the other hells --- so why are so many people waiting to get in here?' asked the man. Because maintenance is so bad, the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the Malaysian devil is a former Government servant, so he comes in and signs the register and then goes to the canteen.

Culture East Vs West

Blue --> Westerner 
Red -->  Asian 

Opinion 

B: Talk to the point R: Talk around the circle, especially if different opinions

Way of Life 
B: individualism, think of himself or herself. 
R: enjoy gathering with family and friends, solving their problems, and know each other's business (keh poh). 


Punctuality 
B: on time. 
R: in time. 


Contacts 
B: Contact to related person only 
R: Contact everyone everywhere, business very successful. 


Anger 
B: Show that I am angry. 
R: I am angry, but still smiling... (beware!) 


Queue when Waiting 
B: Queuing in an orderly manner 
R: Queuing?! What's that? 


Sundays on the Road 
B: Enjoy weekend relaxing peacefully. 
R: Enjoy weekend in crowded places, like going to the mall. 



Party 
B: Only gather with their own group. 
R: All focus on the one activity that is hosted by the CEO . 


In the restaurant 
B: Talk softly and gently in the restaurant. 
R: Talk and laugh loudly like their own the restaurant . 


Travelling 
B: Love sightseeing and enjoy the scenery. 
R: Taking picture is the most important, scenery is just for the background. 


Handling of Problems 
B: Take any steps to solve the problems. 
R: Try to avoid conflicts, and if can, don't leave any trail. 


Three meals a day 
B: Good meal for once a day is sufficed. 
R: At least 3 good meals a day. 


Transportation 
B: Before drove cars, now cycling for environmental protection. 
R: Before no money and rode a bike, now got money and drive a car . 

Elderly in day to day life 

B: When old, there is snoopy for companionship. 
R: When old, guarantee will not be lonely, as long as willing to baby-sit the grandkids.

Moods and Weather 

B: The logic is, rain is pain. 
R: The more the rain, more prosperity . 


The Boss 
B: The boss is part of the team. 
R: The boss is a Fierce god. 


What's Trendy 
B: Healthy Asian cuisine 
R: Expensive Western cuisine. 


The Child 
B: The kid is going to be independent and make his/her own living.. 
R: Work, live and all for the kids, the centre of life.