How to Choose a Bride, Malaysian Style

A Mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son has not shown the slightest indication of getting married. So one day she called him over to her house.

The Son came home from work, grudgingly. Upon arriving, he found that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose as his future bride.

The FIRST one was a well-endowed Telephonist- cum-Receptionist . He immediately commented: 'Aiyaa...... Mother, they always say..... PLEASE HOLD ON, HOLD ON.........'

The SECOND nominee was a leggy secretary. She was also rejected. Reason being: 'Aiyaa.... Mother, this one aaa..., Secretary always fond of saying 'PLEASE SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN........ '

By this time, the mother is nearing frustration. She called a sweet but plain-looking Teacher. The Son suddenly agreed!!

The Mother was surprised and asked: 'Why this one? The earlier two were a lot better looking!'

He replied: 'Teachers aaa.... Teachers very good, very good, always say: PLEASE REPEAT, DO IT AGAIN, I want it done 10 times.... SOME MORE, SOME MORE.....!'

Her youngest son (10 years old), was listening quietly all this while at the other end of the room. Suddenly, he shouted: 'Brother.... Female mini bus Conductor much better laa.... they always say: 'NAIK CEPAT, NAIK CEPAT..... MASUK, MASUK...... MASUK LAGI, DALAM LAGI..... DALAM LAGI LAAAAH, MASUK BELAKANG.... . BELAKANG LAGI, BELAKANG BANYAK KOSONG.....'

The mother fainted....

I E-Meow You, You E-Meow Me

Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok.

Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright. Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....

Worm regard,
Ah Beng

Singaporean at a Nursing Home in Johor Bahru!

A Singaporean family was considering putting their grandfather in the nursing home. All the Singaporean facilities were too expensive so they had to put him in a nursing home in Johor Bahru. After a few weeks in the JB nursing facilities, they came to visit grandpa :

"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.

"It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa.

"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a Singaporean living amongst Malaysians," said his daughter.

"Oh no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents," grandpa says with a big smile.

"There's a musician here. He's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!"

"There is an ex-Chief Justice in here. He's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Hakim Besar'!"

"There's also a dentist here. 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth in 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'!"

"And me, I haven't had sex in 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Singaporean'!"