How to Recruit the Right Person for the Job

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks, Put them in the accounts department .

If they are recounting them, Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in planning.


If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in operations .


If they are sleeping, Put them in security.


If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in information technology.


If they are sitting idle, Put them in human resources.


If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved, Put them in sales.


If they have already left for the day, Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the Window, Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least, if they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved...

Congratulate them and put them in Top management

Mario or Maria

Dear Luningning,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for It. These last two weeks have been hell. Mr. Lopez called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either
> you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband,
Papi Willie

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Toronto together this summer! Have a great life!

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Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and gripping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was ' You look just like Michael Jackson !' but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago..

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning .... and your silk boxers were $49.99 !

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out, so when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for sixty-nine million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two first class tickets to Manila, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Rich , Freeeee & Available ,..... Luningning.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but MARIA , my SISTER, was born MARIO . I hope you don't have a problem with your hemorrhoids.

She's no MARIA ..... he's MARIO !

I Love This Doctor

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of yourcar by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!....Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather toskid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming"WOO HOO, What a Ride"

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.