Three Short Jokes!!!

(1) Chinese Adam & Eve:

If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise, because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

(2) Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

(3) A tap on the driver:
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something....

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window....

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse (Coffin Van) for the last 25 years."

Stud Rooster

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'

The old rooster replies: “Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner ? ”

The young rooster says: “ Beat it uncle: You are washed up and I am taking over.”

The old rooster says: “ I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.”

The young rooster laughs. “ You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.”

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch, when he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says: “ Dammit......Third gay rooster I bought this month.”

Moral of this Story? .....

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS – Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!

OLD DUDES RULE !!!!!

How to Choose a Bride, Malaysian Style

A Mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son has not shown the slightest indication of getting married. So one day she called him over to her house.

The Son came home from work, grudgingly. Upon arriving, he found that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose as his future bride.

The FIRST one was a well-endowed Telephonist- cum-Receptionist . He immediately commented: 'Aiyaa...... Mother, they always say..... PLEASE HOLD ON, HOLD ON.........'

The SECOND nominee was a leggy secretary. She was also rejected. Reason being: 'Aiyaa.... Mother, this one aaa..., Secretary always fond of saying 'PLEASE SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN........ '

By this time, the mother is nearing frustration. She called a sweet but plain-looking Teacher. The Son suddenly agreed!!

The Mother was surprised and asked: 'Why this one? The earlier two were a lot better looking!'

He replied: 'Teachers aaa.... Teachers very good, very good, always say: PLEASE REPEAT, DO IT AGAIN, I want it done 10 times.... SOME MORE, SOME MORE.....!'

Her youngest son (10 years old), was listening quietly all this while at the other end of the room. Suddenly, he shouted: 'Brother.... Female mini bus Conductor much better laa.... they always say: 'NAIK CEPAT, NAIK CEPAT..... MASUK, MASUK...... MASUK LAGI, DALAM LAGI..... DALAM LAGI LAAAAH, MASUK BELAKANG.... . BELAKANG LAGI, BELAKANG BANYAK KOSONG.....'

The mother fainted....