Chinese Man and the Titanic

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese." 

 

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. 

 

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

 

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

 

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same ."

 

The Pigs

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.

The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."

The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family Station wagon again and proceeded to try again.

This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out. The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. 

He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass." 

"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn"

Chinese Man Taking a Loan in New York

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000? The Chinese replies: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return.'